Bewerbung bitte korrigieren

  • Es wäre sehr nett,wenn mir jemand helfen könnte und diese bewerbung korrigieren könnte,ist bestimmt deutsches englisch:-(





    Straße,
    Stadteil,
    Ort PLZ.
    Tel: (0151) 123456


    Mr. John Bowman, 20 May, 2009
    Red Cow Lane No.5,
    Smithfield,
    Dublin 7,
    Ireland.




    Dear Mr John Bowman,


    TM97430 On site Engineer


    Your advertisment I read in a local Newspaper has interested me very much and I would like to apply.


    As you will see from my CV, I am currently studying Mechatronics at the Fachhochschule Bielefeld. One of my main field of study is computer science, this includes computer engineering and aplied computer sciences.
    I also has an intership for 2 months in a data processing center at the university Bielefeld. In this 2 months I have appropriate a lot of practical knowledge about software and hardware. My studies give me the background to understand all technical details.


    Since 2 years I am working for a computer emergency service, this work give me every day a new experience. Also one of my attributes is that I am a good teamworker. I think in these job teamwork is essential.With my proven ability to handle all kinds of computer problems easily it will be a pleasure for me to work for Company.


    Yours sincerely,




    Tim

  • Hi!


    Zitat

    Your advertisment I read in a local Newspaper


    Your advertisment, which I've read in a local Newspaper, ...


    Zitat

    this work give me every day a new experience


    this work gives me a new experience every day.


    Zitat

    easily it will be a pleasure for me to work for Company.


    easily, it will be a pleasure for me to work for your company.


    Zitat

    2 months [...] Since 2 years


    warum schreibst du die Zahlen nicht aus?


    LG nif7 :)

    Menschen, die etwas wollen, finden Wege. Menschen, die etwas nicht wollen, finden Gründe.

  • Hi:) Some of my thoughts, hehe:)


    Zitat

    One of my main field of study


    Shouldn't it be "one of my main fieldS of study"?


    Zitat

    I also has


    I also have? (or maybe "I've also had" because of for? - what would you like to say here?)


    Zitat

    In this 2 months


    In THESE 2 months, I think.


    Zitat

    I think in these job teamwork is


    I think in this job teamwork is...


    Are all these corrections that I've done good, or am I wrong somewhere?