Text für Arbeit bitte Korrigieren/Verbessern!!! pls

  • Aborigines


    120,000 BC ( before Christus) the Remains had found in New South Wales Aborigines, which are already living there.
    In the 1788 Captain Phillip's First Fleet arrives and the white invasionbegins. At the time the Aboriginal population is about one million people.
    The Whites are allowed to shott the Aborigines in 1804. The number of killing Aboorigines continues to the population in 1929, about 30,000.


    Laws in 1902 introduces social benefits, but not for the Aborigines. After an ABoriginal conference in 1938 in Sydney, the first of many demostrations against discrimination. The British nuclear bomb, which were tested in 1953-57 at Maralinga in South Australia, leave many Aborigines with a radiation sickness.


    Aboringines are given 1962 the right to vote, and the changes in the law bring equal rights for Aborigines in 1967 and an official end of discrimination.
    Thousands of Aboriginal children were legally taken from their mothers, in 1920-69. Many of them are still trying to find their families.


    In 1998, was the first National Sorry Day, when the people of Austrailia apologize to the Aborigines. And statistics show that Abroginines are still highly disadvantaged in all areas.



    Schwierigkeiten: Die Zeiten, und die Zeitangaben ( 1998.1886 z.B )


    Freue mich über Verbesserungen , danke!

  • Yeah, I guess it's a homework for tomorrow? ;>
    Write it in German, please... It's a bit hard to understand... Did you translate it using an on-line translator? ;>

  • ja ich verstehe auch nicht genau was an manchen stellen gemeint ist. einmal in deutsch? dann kann ich helfen!

  • Wer sind denn die Remains?
    In Zeile zwei kommt "at that time" hin.
    Zeile vier: ...are allowed to shoot...
    Der ganze fünfte Satz muss verändert werden >_> Was wolltest du denn sagen?
    Zeile sieben: After an Aboriginal conference in Sydney in 1938... (Jahreszahlen kommen immer zum Schluss :D)
    Außerdem fehlt in dem Satz ein Verb... Ich würde schreiben: "After an Aboriginal conference in Sydney in 1938, they organized the first demonstration against discrimination. Many other demonstrations followed."


    Zeile neun: ...leaves many Aborigines... usw. (he, she, it - das s muss mit xD)
    Aborigines are given the right to vote in 1962...
    ..taken from their mothers (kein Komma!) from 1920 to 1969.
    In 1998, it was the first National Sorry Day, the people of Australia apologized to the Aborigines.
    But statistics show that Abroginines are still highly disadvantaged in all areas. ("and" am Anfang ist immer ungünstig)



    Übrigens, wäre es besser, wenn du alles im simple past schreibst, denn schließlich erzählst du von vergangenen Zeiten. Außer im letzten Satz war das Präsens schon richtig angebracht, denn es geht ja um heute.