Englischer Text [brauche Hilfe]

  • also, wir haben bald die mündliche englisch prüfung und brauche eure hilfe. also den monolog habe ich schon geschrieben aber da ich keine leuchte in englisch bin, bitte ich euch um eure hilfe. was man verbessern könnte usw.
    hier der text:

    Hello! Today I want to tell you about me and my family. My name ist xxx xxx and I was born on November 18th 1993 in xxx. I live with my mom, my dad and my sister xxx in a flat with three rooms. My parents emigrated to Germany 20 years ago. My mom and my dad were born in Poland and my sister was born in Wolfach, Germany. My sister is 19. Sometimes we argue with each other. My mom works in „xxx“ as a clerk, my father works in „xxx“ as a factory employee and my sister goes to the vocational school.

    Okay, now to me. I go to the xxx school to the 9th class. My class is okay but it is a little bit loud and chaotic. My hobbies are snowboarding, listening to music, playing on the computer, playing the e-guitar and dancing Melbourne Shuffle. Melbourne Shuffle is a dance to my favorite music hardstyle and this dance comes from Australia. Sometimes I want to do the combative sport Muay Thai but my parents earn money hardly because of the economic crisis. That's why they cannot pay for the club.

    My favourite styles of music are hardstyle as I already mentioned, screamo, house, rock, metal and a little bit hip-hop. My favorite songs are "this is how we do" by Mount Sims, "Ambrosia" by Alesana, "Neuruppin" by K.I.Z and "Smoke under the water" by Deep Purple. I even learned to play "Smoke under the water" and I can play the first riff. This riff is my favourite one. I learn to play the e-guitar with a book. I can do some licks and read guitar tabs.

    After the extended elementary school I want to do my real school diploma. My favourite film genres are crime, thriller, horror, comedy, thriller and action. I like the celeb Stefan Raab because he is a funny showmaster from Tvtotal. Tvtotal is my favourite programme, too, and I laugh about each episode. He participates in other shows such as "Schlag den Raab", "Schlag den Star", "Wok WM", "Pro 7 Turmspringen" and "Tv Total Stock car crash challenge".

    My most favorite broadcasts are on RTL 2. I shows on RTL 2 often the sitcoms, Hinterm Sofa an der Front and Still Standing. The sitcoms are from america. In my future I want have a job as a cook in a 4 stars restaurant and a little family with one oder two children. I often cook self, for example „Bayrischer Kartoffelsalat „ and „Chilli con Carne“ . My destination is china in a little village. Because of liking the culture and the people . My family departs often in the holiday after poland to my related.The parents and there sibling live there.

    I had a cat and the name was Susie but she died unhappily. I often go to the church and pray for she, my family, my future and to my related death. My favorite day is christmas beacause are the whole family together and we sing and celebrate. When I am 18 years old I will take my driving test and drive a Mitsubishi as my father does. I often go put out with my friends. My friends are very important for me. Without friends is the live boring. I plays with my friends often online games , chill out with there and go to the cinema.

    Apropo cinema, my favorite films are Butterfly effect with Ashton Kutcher, Transporter 3 with Jason Statham and the Scary Movie parts. I like Animes too. Example, Neon genesis Evangelion, Full Metal Alchemist, Gantz and Afro Samurai. And i have a collection with Dragonball Z mangas. Thank you for the listening, I hope you liked my story.

  • Hey,
    ich habe geschaut und versucht zu korriegieren...mein english ist aber auch nicht perfekt!ich hoffe,dass es dir helfen wird.

    Hello! Today I want to tell you/ speak about about me and my family. My name ist xxx xxx and I was born on November 18th 1993 in xxx. I live with my mom, my dad and my sister xxx in a flat with three rooms. My parents emigrated to Germany 20 years ago. My mom and my dad were born in Poland and my sister was born in Wolfach,in Germany. My sister is 19. Sometimes we argue with each other. My mom works in „xxx“ as a clerk, my father works in „xxx“ as a factory employee and my sister goes to the vocational school.

    Okay, now to me>I will now talk about me. I go to the xxx school to>in the 9th class. My class is okay(can you find another adjective?) but it is a little bit loud and chaotic. My hobbies are snowboarding, listening to music, playing on the computer, playing the e-guitar and dancing Melbourne Shuffle. Melbourne Shuffle is a dance to my favorite music hardstyle(what do you mean with “hardstyle”?) and this dance comes from Australia. Sometimes>why sometimes? I want to>would like do the combative sport Muay Thai but my parents earn money hardly because of the economic crisis. That's why they cannot pay for the club.

    My favourite styles of music are hardstyle as I already mentioned, screamo, house, rock, metal and a little bit hip-hop. My favorite songs are "this is how we do" by Mount Sims, "Ambrosia" by Alesana, "Neuruppin" by K.I.Z and "Smoke under the water" by Deep Purple. I even learned to play "Smoke under the water" and I can play the first riff. This riff is my favourite one. I learn to play the e-guitar with a book. I can do some licks and read guitar tabs.

    After the extended elementary school I want to do my real school diploma.>you should put this sentence at the beginning, where you speak about you and your school. My favourite film genres are crime, thriller, horror, comedy, thriller>you already wrote thriller and action. I like the celeb>you should write “celebrity” Stefan Raab because he is a funny show master from Tvtotal. Tvtotal is my favourite programme, too>why too?, and I laugh about each episode. He participates> also takes part in other shows such as "Schlag den Raab", "Schlag den Star", "Wok WM", "Pro 7 Turmspringen" and "Tv Total Stock car crash challenge".

    My most favorite broadcasts are on RTL 2. I shows on RTL 2 often the sitcoms, Hinterm Sofa an der Front and Still Standing.> I often watch the sitcoms “Hinterm Sofa an der Front” and “Still Standing” on RTL2. The>These sitcoms are from America. In my future I want>It’s a wish so I would write “I would like to” have a job as a cook in a 4 stars restaurant and a little family with one oder>That’s german^^ >or two children. I myself often cook, for example „Bayrischer Kartoffelsalat „ and „Chilli con Carne“ . My destination is china in a little village.>I wish I could go to China in a little village/I would like to visit China, especially a little village… Because of liking the culture and the people >because I’m interested in/I like other cultures and other people. My family departs often in the holiday after Poland to my related.> My family often go to Poland during the holidays in order to visit the rest of my family. The parents and there sibling live there. >My grandparents (is it what you mean?) and my parent’s siblings are living there.

    I had a cat and the>her name was Susie but she unfortunately/unhappily died .I often go to the church and pray for she>her, for my family, for my future and to my related death> for people of my family who are dead. My favourite day is Christmas because the whole family is together and we sing and celebrate. When I am>I will be 18 years old I will take my driving test>driving licence and drive a Mitsubishi as my father does. I often go out with my friends. My friends are very important for me. Without friends is the live>life boring. I plays with my friends often online games>I often play online games with my friends , chill out with there>them and go to the cinema.

    Apropo>About cinema, my favorite films are “The Butterfly Effect” with Ashton Kutcher, “Transporter 3” with Jason Statham and the Scary Movie parts. I like Animes>cartoon films/animation films too. For example, Neon genesis Evangelion, Full Metal Alchemist, Gantz and Afro Samurai. And I have a collection with >of Dragonball Z mangas. Thank you for listening, I hope you liked my story.