Pro and Con Text//afternoon school

Hallo!
Ich fände es sehr lieb wenn sich jemand meine Argumentation durchlesen könnte. Und auch sagen könnte was ich an der grammatik so falsch gemacht hab, tipps geben, und natürlich den Inhalt bewerten. Am ende würde ich auch gerne wissen welche Note es ungefähr bekommen würde.
Info: Bin 8. Klasse Gymnasium

Lots of schools in Germany are an afternoon school and people discuss the question for school all day.
On the one hand pupils who aren´t very good at school get help with their homework from teachers and they don´t need to sit alone with it at home. Also it´s good because some pupil don´t like to ask if they don´t understand something. Next is that in afternoon schools are lots of activities like different sports or something with music. So maybe it isn´t so borig like it seems! If someone like football he can go to a football group and so on... An other good reason is that parents don´t need to cook for their children because the pupils get lunch at school. So their parents can have a quiet good day.
On the other hand I think that the pupils don´t have enough time for other hobbys they like to do if they are all the day in school. For example, someone likes to play an instrument but in his or her school he don´t have a chance to learn it and if he come every day late at home there´s not enough time for it. So it´s very sad when he can´t do anything. Next I think that eight-nine hours school every day is too much. Maybe pupils or also students get tired of working and then they aren´t able to learn something. This is why pupils will get bad marks in class tests or with speaking. Pupils and students can´t work every minute!
All in all I think that eight hours are O.K in one day per week but not every day!

naja,
also erstmal was grundlegendes: wenn du dafür bist kommen erst die die sachen dagegen
und im conclusion ( deins ist nicht wirklich gut) schreibst du dann , das du dafür bist !