Englisch Aufsatz . Bitte um Korrekturlesen

  • Hier mein Englischaufsatz . Thema war : Können Lehrer durch Maschinen/Roboter/Computer ersetzt werden ?



    Should teachers be replaced by computers?
    Nowadays, a lot of work can be done more quickly and more effectively by machines than by human beings. In the present-day society there are people, who want to replace teachers by computers, but there are also humans, who think that there must be an element of personality that a human brings to another.
    To begin with, there are a lot of reasons for replacing teachers by robots. Computers have got more knowledge than teachers, they would evaluate every pupil equally and they can repeat the stuff as often as the children need.
    Yet there are a lot of aspects, which militate for teachers and against computers. The most important fact is that machines haven’t got any social skills .A computers cannot have understanding for instance of a student with special needs, it don't have the ability to communicate with them in a social manner. In contrast to the machines teachers care about their pupils, a good teacher does everything to make them progress and learn. Machines can never do something like that. Secondly, robots haven’t got any emotional skills. So, machines can’t evaluate the tests of the pupils, they can’t estimate if it is a good or a bad one. The machines can only say yes or no. That would be okay for mathematic homework, but in other subjects computers can’t determine a mark.
    Finally, mechanical teachers would destroy jobs, because there wouldn’t be any human teachers any more. The result of this is that the jobless rate would increase.
    As a result, the reasons against replacing teachers by computers predominate, because robots haven’t got any social skills, emotional skills and they would destroy jobs.
    As far as I am concerned, robots may be able to have lots of info, but they cannot discern, care and smile, etc .I prefer a human being to teach me rather than a piece of metal, because of the above-mentioned reasons.


    326 Wörter



    Wäre super wenn ihr euch den Aufsatz mal durchlesen würdet und Fehler, Verbesserungsvorschläge und wie ihr den Aufsatz findet posten könntet.
    Vielen Dank schon mal

  • Nabend,


    Fehler find ich keine, ich find du hast gute Arbeit geleistet so wie es ist. :D
    Selten hab ich so'n schönen aufsatz gesehn.
    Ich würds so stehen lassen.



    lg,
    Reita 8)

  • Nowadays, a lot of work can be done more quickly and more effectively(1) by machines than by human beings. In the present-day society there are people(2), who want to replace teachers by computers, but there are also humans, who think that there must be an element of personality that a human brings to another.(3)


    To begin with, there are a lot of reasons for replacing teachers by robots. Computers have got more knowledge than teachers, they would evaluate every pupil equally (4) and they can repeat the stuff as often as the children need.



    Yet(5) there are a lot of aspects, which militate(6) for teachers and against computers.


    The most important fact is that machines haven’t got any social skills .(7)



    A computers cannot have understanding for instance of a student with special needs(8), it don't(9) have the ability to communicate with them(10) in a social manner.
    In contrast to the machines, teachers care about their pupils(11), a good teacher does everything to make them progress and learn. (12)
    Machines can never do something like that.(13)


    Secondly, robots haven’t got any emotional skills.(14)


    So, machines can’t evaluate the tests of the pupils(15), (16)they can’t estimate if it is a good or a bad one. (17)


    The machines can only say yes or no.


    That would be okay for mathematic homework, but in other subjects computers can’t determine a mark. (18)
    Finally, mechanical teachers would destroy jobs, because there wouldn’t be any human teachers anymore (19). The result of this(20) is that the jobless rate(21) would increase.
    As a result (22), the reasons against replacing teachers by computers predominate , because robots haven’t got any social skills, emotional skills and they would destroy jobs. (23)

    As far as I am concerned(24), robots may be able to have lots of info (25), but they cannot discern, care and(26) smile, etc .I prefer a human being to teach me (27) rather than a piece of metal, because of the above-mentioned reasons.(28)


    I will try to help you, but I won't correct you mistakes -I will give you hints how to correct your mistakes.
    If you are having any further question feel free to ask me, I will explain my corrections.
    (I haven't marked everything and some of my corrections are just suggestions)



    1) efficiently instead effectively
    2) "There are people in the (present-day) society, who..."
    (suggestion ;)
    3) I do not understand what you are trying to say, I could guess, but...
    4) I haven't read evaluate equally before, I guess you mean, "being objective"
    5) yet -is normaly placed at the end of a sentence. (informal)
    Furthermore it is used in affirmative sentences.
    Or to ask wether something has happend or not untill now.
    6)to have a substantial effect; weigh heavily: His prison record militated against him. (dictionary.com)
    7)Well, why is it such an important fact that robots have no "emotional skills"?
    8)First of all "computers" without "s"
    A computer/robot cannot understand a students feelings etc pp
    9) mind do related to it!
    10) Who is "them"?
    11) students - sounds better ;)
    12) You could think of a replacement for "does everything" - maybe helps?
    Well I cannot tell you why but it sounds a bit too German for me.
    My suggestion:
    " a good teacher helps students to develop ..."
    13) Have a look at you sentence on its own...
    "They can never do something like that"?
    14) emotional skills sounds absurd, doesn't it? emotional skills= emotions
    15) Well, refering to your statement at the beginnig computers are "evaluating equally" ;)
    Your "evaluating tests" doesn't fit as well
    16) New sentence
    17) "good or bad one" = relation?
    18) I haven't marked it yet but be careful with "would".
    Polite request: Would you close the window, please?
    Conditional II and III: If I saw you, I would greet you. If I had seen you, I would have greeted you.
    Past habit: When I was young, I would play outside all day
    determine doesn't fit
    19) would, see above
    20) what is "this"?
    21)rate of unemployment
    22) Summarized, In my opinion
    23) mind would
    Are robots lack of social and emotional skills the reason why you prefer teachers?
    24) concern means to relate to/ to be connected with/affected/interest/worried
    25) I am able to walk = "Robots may have"
    information or knowledge
    (26) or
    no etc - sounds like "well there are various aspects why but I do not mention them" it is like writing "something"
    27) I prefer to have a human being as a teacher
    28) Well, after your comment we know why you prefer teachers, consequently you don't have to mention "because of the above-mentioned reasons"


    Good Night


    (Sorry for mistakes but I am tired)

  • Zitat von dopamin.yo

    'determine doesn't fit '
    but what can i write for : '' maschinen können keine noten festlegen''

    noten geben= give marks
    Well, sounds pretty "unsophisticated" but it is the most used term.