kann sich bitte jmd. den text anschauen bzw. korregieren

  • Ist das Englisch??? Kann ich das so schreiben ; )
    das ich hier keinen bestseller geschrieben hab ist mir schon klar... ich brauch lediglich hilfe um die gröbsten grammatikalischen fehler oder andere unzulänglichkeiten aus dem text verschwinden zu lassen.

    Danny was very surprised about the action by Derek on the party. Danny operated furthermore with Nazis, presumably because Danny want to emulate his model Derek. It was a bad evening for Danny, this message hit him totally unpremeditated. His brother forbidden Danny to visit this party, but without reasons. At the party Danny lost all his old friends, girl friend and ideology. For Danny everything broke down, all his interests, all things wherewith he was studied, suddenly all without value. Danny cornered his brother and asked him about his reasons for this trouble at the party.

    Derek didn´t feel responsible for anything, when he had to go to the prison. Derek joined a like-minded group. Derek noticed fast that his new friends have other interess. His new friends dealed with drugs and made other business with black peoples. Derek was against it and left this gang. The gang felt dishonored and raped him in the shower.
    Sweeney visited Derek in the hospital. Sweeney was his black teacher in the scholl, he want help him. Sweeney asked Derek: “Has anything you´ve done made your life better?”
    Derek had understood his wrong attitude.Derek´s life takes a new turn. Derek made friends with a black man. This black peer preserved him for encroachment in the jail. Derek knew that his peer protected him and he was very thankful for this. He recognized that he followed the false ideas. After his release he taken care of his family and break up with his old friends.

    Bin für Verbesserungsvorschläge aller Art offen...